The Complete Guide to Teen Invisibility


Ketochi photo by Cassy La Fromboise

Gavin Mikes, Staff Writer

Welcome to a crash course on how to be invisible throughout high school.

What follows is a breakdown of things that help us teenagers stay unnoticed for as much of our high school years as possible.

The first objective to fulfill is the clothing and hairstyle. Clothing is the main focus because of how much it can catch a person’s eye.  We must avoid wearing “loud” colors, as they draw a lot of attention and can cause a conversation to arise.  For those who live in colder states, such as Montana, I advise a hoodie. It is comfortable but can make a person a little wary if he or she decides to approach. Also, avoid shirts with words; people will look at them and think of that as a conversation starter.

Our hair is another thing that gives us the ability to avoid speaking to people if done correctly. There are two main hairstyles you can choose from: long and short. With short hair you will need to constantly get hair cuts. This way people will not notice when you actually get one.

With long hair there are a few more risks. For one, you will either be forced not to cut it at all, which can lead to people telling you to cut it. The other is to cut it in small increments in order to keep it unnoticed. Most importantly, do not dye your hair. You are not trying to be unique so keep your hair natural. Also, no super messy hair. You don’t want it to look like you hurried out of bed and had to get ready as fast as possible, because people will question you on it.

All of this will create a shield of almost impenetrable proportions, but there is still more to work on.

A great tip for not having to socialize too much is to have a “friend shield.” This is a small amount of close friends that are either too busy or antisocial to talk to you. This will create the illusion that you are not alone and have a group, making it almost impossible for a person to find any reason for social interaction. Plus, maybe your cover group will actually turn into your close friends.

The way you act around people can create problems for you as well if you’re not careful. The trick is to always say hi and stand up straight. Don’t say hi to everyone. Stick with teachers and the occasional friendly passerby. It will help if you keep the hello quiet and curt, allowing nothing to be said after.

Standing straight is not super important, but it is advised. It will help create a sense of purpose in your walk. Do not use this confident stride for anything else other than getting from point A to point B.

This process will work maybe not 100%, but it will help you stay unnoticed. There are side effects to this process.

These side effects include: being forgotten, having all of your present friends leave, not having a voice or opinions, not finding a significant other, and having no legitimate relationships. These side effects can cause depression, social anxiety, lose of sleep, and severe loneliness. Please do take caution when starting this process because it is very hard to escape, much like the friend zone.